Never Leave Spike Alone With Drunken Family Member
by Goddess Isa
Summary: It's Christmas and guess what Spike's doing?


TITLE: Never Leave Spike Alone With Drunken Family Members  
AUTHOR: Goddess Isa  
EMAIL: goddessisa@aol.com  
SUMMARY: It's Christmas and guess what Spike's doing?  
SPOILER: Hush  
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)  
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P  
RATING: TV-PG  
DISCLAIMER: Cousin Mena is mine. Everyone else is all Joss.   
  
  
  
"I can't believe I had to take you for Christmas," Xander grumbled as he tied the stupid blonde vampire down for the night. It was Christmas Eve and since his family was having their annual drunken bash and Giles was planning some sort of romantic night for Olivia, Xander got stuck with the annoying Brit.   
  
"It's not fair," he grumbled as he tied Spike's ankles down.   
  
"Me neither." Spike said. "Fair would be being able to suck your delicious girl's--"   
  
Xander hit Spike hard enough to knock him out.   
  
Then he grabbed his sore hand and wailed like a newborn baby.   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"Downstairs," Cousin Mena mumbled between heaves over the toilet. "There's beer downstairs."   
  
Uncle Rory nodded and made his descent.   
  
He stumbled down the stairs and screamed when he saw Spike.   
  
"What the Hell is your problem?" the vampire demanded.   
  
"Who are you?"   
  
"Spike. Who the Hell are you?"   
  
"Spike, eh? You a friend of Xander's?"   
  
"Friend isn't the bloody word for it."   
  
I always knew Xander didn't walk on our side of the road."   
  
"What?" Spike blinked.   
  
"Oh, you know. I don't know what you kids are callin' it today. Homo-something, I think." the man shrugged. "Want a beer?"   
  
"I want bloody out of this basement."   
  
Rory set to work on the ropes, though with his eyes swimming it was going to take awhile. "Well, I'll tell ya, that Xander's really gotten himself a good catch this time."   
  
"Anya's all right, nothing like my Dru."   
  
"You've got a Drew too? Man, I didn't think Xander would be into that group sex stuff." Rory pulled the last rope off and Spike jumped up.   
  
Spike rubbed his wrists. "You said beer."   
  
Rory went over to the fridge and pulled out two six-packs.   
  
"There's a party upstairs." he offered.   
  
"I don't think so." he popped a can.   
  
"Lots of pretty women."   
  
"Lead the way."   
  
  
*****   
  
  
"The best gift was definitely the Wiener Whistle," Anya said as she and Xander entered his house. Passed out drunk relatives were everywhere. "I've never seen Giles with such a red face ever."   
  
"I thought my tee shirt served its purpose."   
  
"Oh yeah. I'm sure he'll get a lot of wear out of his 'I Don't Need Viagra, Dammit!' shirt. Maybe Olivia can sleep in it."   
  
"I can't believe Giles has sex."   
  
"I can't believe Olivia liked my muffins."   
  
"I think Buff--you hear something?"   
  
Anya nodded and they quietly opened the door to the stairs.   
  
Spike was jumping up and down on Xander's bed, wearing a pair of Santa boxers Anya had gotten him for Christmas. He wore a string of Christmas lights around his neck and arms and reindeer ears on his head.   
  
And he was singing.   
  
"Grandma got ran over by a reindeer. Walkin' home from our house, Christmas Eve. You can say you don't believe in Santa, but as for me and Grandpa, we believe."   
  
"Oh my God." Xander ran down the stairs. "Get down now! Get those off!"   
  
"You're not gonna wear them now, are you?" Anya asked, grossed out.   
  
"No, we'll return them for store credit! Spike!"   
  
"Oh, hey guys!! You really shoulda been here, you missed some brawl."   
  
"I'm so sorry about that." he tried to pull the vampire's hand but he just kept on spreading his jolly cheer. Loudly.   
  
"Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. Jingle bell swing and jingle bell ring."   
  
"We have got to get him out of here." Xander said.   
  
"Or, we could go back to my place." Anya ran her foot up and down Xander's leg. "I've got mistletoe everywhere."   
  
He looked at her in her glittery red dress and was sold.   
  
"Feliz Navidad, Spike." he muttered before leaving.   
  
"Hey, thanks mate! Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad, some crap in Spanish I can't understand that ends with Dad, I wanna wish you a merry Christmas...."


End file.
